Practice
I’ve been an introspective, deep thinker since I was a kid. The death of my 15 year old, healthy, loving, vibrant, hilarious daughter on June 8, 2018 takes me to unprecedented depths of introspection and thinking. I’ve read a lot of books on grief in the past three and a half years. In fact, one of the sweetest (?) gifts we received when she died was a shelf-full of books about grief and loss from a local woman in our community who also lost a child many years ago. I go to this shelf of books now and again, picking one to read here, and another there. I’m grateful for the resource.
The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller was not part of that gift. I don’t actually recall how I came across this book, but it is hands down one of the best books on grief I’ve read. I don’t often reread books, but I recently re-read it because it is that good. Weller manages to put words to what feels to me like an indescribable process, and he does so with grace and eloquence. As I re-read the book, it occurred to me that the section about practice applies to all people practicing anything, even grief, and it seems timely given the new year when many people seek to establish new practices.
Practice, as a noun, is a customary way of doing things. It is the actual application of an idea, belief, or method, as in the principles of teaching or current standards in nursing. As a verb, a practice is performing an activity, method, or custom regularly, as in a meditation or music practice.
I provide a synopsis of Weller’s ideas about practice in hopes they will motivate you to keep your New Year’s resolutions, or any practice you are working to adapt in the spirit of healing and growing.
“Practice Provides Ballast.”
It roots us in an activity that anchors us to a solid internal presence. In my mind, I think of the image of kelp, so firmly rooted and yet fluid and flexible to the surrounding water.
“Practice Is Vesseling”
Vesseling is an idea that comes from alchemy, a process of transformation, combination, or creation. All deep work requires holding space, a secure vessel within which the work is carried out. Vessels both hold us together and separate us from our surroundings. We can be both in the community as we practice, like at church or at a yoga class, or it can provide us the space we need to gain perspective, like walking alone in the woods.
“Practice Deepens Our Connection To Source.”
Any intentional practice can help us tap into eternal Source. Connection to Source keeps us accessible to the visible and invisible sources of vitality. Playing piano can be both exhilarating to listen to and a means through which we feel the music move through us.
“Practice Invites Revelation.”
Showing up regularly invites the possibility of new arrivals - of information, images, memories, or strength. We cannot necessarily say to ourselves,’ today I am stronger,’ but the day we go hiking the mountain and do so with ease, we realize we are, in fact, stronger.
“Practice Invites the Marginalized Voices to Speak.”
Marginalized voices refer to the parts of us we are critical of and/or think of as unacceptable. Practice asks us to welcome the weak and vulnerable parts of ourselves, the parts we typically push aside, like shame or fear, accepting that which culture has deemed worthless.
“Practice Increases the Heat in Our Psychic World.”
“Keeping the appointment” with ourselves, as Mary Oliver eloquently states, subjects us to our own attention, affection, and love. Attention, affection, and love fuel our inner world so we can carry on. We often lose ourselves in motherhood and subsequently lose the joy of mothering. Some time out from the activities of daily life, even twenty minutes in a bath can allow for a moment of self-reflection that rejuvenates and enables us to return to the rigor of the day-to-day with renewed calm and presence.
“Practice Offers Us Many Chances.”
When we practice, we are brought into presence, to lean in to exactly where we are. Practice gives us an opportunity to live whole-heartedly. Some days we show up ready and wanting to practice. Other days, we reluctantly show up. Either way, regardless of the outcome, we get to try again tomorrow.
No matter what activity you choose to practice on a regular basis - silence, prayer, writing, dancing, painting, yoga, a musical instrument, writing, weight lifting, cycling, carpentry, parenting, or grief - any act that carries devotion has the potential to steady the turbulence of thought and emotion that can keep us feeling agitated and preoccupied. Practice helps heal the mind and spirit. A physical practice can help heal the body, too. Everything is connected to everything. It doesn’t matter where we start. Start anywhere. Start with anything. Just start. And keep the appointment.